When It’s over
How do you know when a relationship is over? Sometimes it’s obvious. If he tells you he doesn’t want to see you anymore, then it’s over. If you come home one day and all her stuff is gone, and she left a note saying she’s leaving you, then it’s over. But sometimes it’s over, but like a zombie, the corpse of your relationship is still walking around. And maybe you’re hopeful that something of your relationship still lives. Be realistic. Most of the time, dead relationships can’t be resurrected. Here are some signs that it’s over.
Rate your relationship on a scale from 1 to 10. If it’s rated below a 5, then it’s definitely over. If you rated it a 5, then it’s probably over, but maybe there’s something you can do. If you’ve rated it above a 6, then maybe it’s not over yet, but you should still check for other signs that the relationship is over.
Ask yourself, honestly, how you think your partner in the relationship would rank your relationship on a scale from 1 to 10. Be brutal. Then look at the scale above. If your partner probably thinks your relationship is rated at a 4 or below, forget it. It’s over. Only if you honestly think your partner would rate your relationship 5+ can you have any hope that your relationship is not over.
Ask yourself some of the hard questions. For example, if Jesus told you that it was okay to leave this relationship, what would you do? How much do you really like your partner? Are you at all sexually attracted to your partner? How much fun do you have with your partner? Do you and your partner have relationship goals and activities that matter?
Sometimes it’s hard to admit to yourself that your relationship is over. Breaking up really is hard to do. It sounds trite, but try to take a glass half full approach to the end of your relationship. Ending one relationship is often a prerequisite to beginning another relationship. And if you’ve learned anything from the relationship you’re currently in, then your next relationship will benefit from that. Sometimes you should just be grateful for the time together and the experiences you’ve had with your partner, even when it’s time to move on.
Breakups don’t have to be about rancor and ill feelings. You can let someone know how much you appreciated and enjoyed the time you spent together. Depending on their level of spiritual and emotional maturity, that might or might not cushion the blow. At any rate, behave in a way that will maintain your sense of self-respect.
And if it’s not over, then the most important thing to remember about your relationship is to be kind and to enjoy it. It’s the journey that matters, not the destination.
December 1st, 2009